Annie Update

For those of you wondering how things went for my little friend who had major surgery on Wednesday, here is the update:
Wednesday, 10:16 am: Annie Update- we got some unexpected news prior to surgery. Annie will need bone from a bone bank :( Also to be prepared that she will probably need a blood transfusion:( she also is having an extra surgery on her right foot. (A tendon transfer) all and all this is been a sucky day but we are staying strong and positive. 

Wednesday, 1:48 pm: Annie is out of surgery. She is in lots of pain. Her heart rate and oxygen levels are not leveling off yet. She just spiked a fever. So keep praying everyone!

Wednesday, 3:28 pm: Annie's oxygen level is getting better, hoping to take her off oxygen in the next hour. Fever is going down slowly. Heart rate is still not perfect but getting better. She has been able to keep water down so far.

Thursday, 2:40 am: Annie is awake and happy, I am so grateful. (I don't even care that it is almost 3am) Just happy she is awake and happy.

First walk - Thursday

Thursday, 7:45 pm: Annie's heart rate is jumping and oxygen level falling . Oh man. Dr is coming in to see her. Looks like a blood transfusion is going to happen unless she drastically changes soon.

Friday, evening: Annie has taken an upper climb. She is down to only 1 IV. She is finely tolerating the oral medication. We might even try to wash her hair tonight. :) hooray! Hoping to be discharged tomorrow.

Two hours ago:  I think this momma is going on about 1 1/2 hours of sleep. Nothing is controlling her pain.

If you are friends with Annie's momma on facebook these posts will look familiar, as I pulled them directly from there. She did message me before they pulled her epidural and her heart was spasming and her levels were all over the place. What a roller coaster. I hope all of the prayers going out to them are being felt midst the pain, frustration, horror, helplessness, exhaustion and glimpses of peace.

As I write this an image popped into my head. I can see this little beauty running like Carrie Ingalls on the intro of Little House on the Prairie through a field of wild flowers, hair blowing behind her, stumbling but getting right back up and carrying on.   Keep praying, singing, hoping, believing and holding on.

We love you Hannig family!

Sick Monkeys in Perspectives

The yuck hit us Friday night.  It has been going around fast and furious.  We only got a little taste of it - only two pukes and no major poops.  Some of my friends have reported spending 12 hours in the bathroom, sleeping on the floor between bouts.  A few loads of laundry and some ibuprofen later we are feeling much better.

I hate it when my babies are sick.  When I'm sick I can wallow in my aches locked in my bedroom watching episodes of Castle.  But when they are sick I might as well be sick, holding their feverish body in the recliner, trying not to move too much while continuing the rocking so as not to disturb the hair on their body that aches.  It is hard to see them hurt and not be able to take it away.

One of my very good friends from Montessori had a beautiful baby girl a few years ago.  One of the ultra sounds she had pre-birth revealed that her daughter would not come with 10 toes.  Actually without most of one foot.  She entered the world a happy healthy BEAUTIFUL baby with one toe and a heel on one foot.  They knew they would have challenges and were very proactive, getting hooked up with Shriner's and researching extensively to see how to make her developmental challenges easier.  At just a few months old she had her first surgery to amputate her foot just below the knee to make a prosthesis most effective.  It was the first of many surgeries she would have to under go.  The doctors weren't sure if her shin bone would continue to grow too long and have to take more of her leg, possibly above the knee.  And then there was her hip which wasn't being held in the socket correctly.  This beautiful baby was in a body cast for 8 weeks from chest down.  Her mom carried her in a moby wrap that my sister had made for Emmy and pulled her in a wagon as she couldn't bend in the middle.  Her beautiful baby healed and the cast came off and she wore a brace that held her feet and hips in place 18 hours a day and then 12 hours a day.  I made her modified slippers to fit over the braces so she could have something pretty for Christmas.  That was all I could do.  And she grew and changed and got out of her brace and into a new leg.

This beautiful baby wore her new leg, learned how to take it off, crawled and walked even before my typically developing child did.  She played and laughed and met Santa and picked on her big sister and said "no".  And then they went back to the Shriner's hospital for their 47th appointment and learned she would have to go back into surgery.  Her leg was not staying in her hip joint and she need a bone graft and some reconstruction - 8-12 more weeks in a body cast.  Been there - done that: except now she is three.  The family geared up again for what was to come.  Compiling vacation time, ordering hundreds of diapers from diapers.com, picking out a wheelchair, locating that moby wrap again.  She goes into surgery on Wednesday of this week.

Some say - "Your family is so strong, you will be fine.  Our prayers are with you."  And they will and they are but really, that doesn't take away the fear or heart-sickness of watching your child suffer.  The nurse told mom that this surgery will be much much worse than her last.  She will need narcotics to get by for at least two weeks and that won't take away all of the pain.  So not only will her independent baby be trapped in a stinky itchy cast, completely dependent on others for way too long, but she will be in excruciating pain or nauseous from the meds.  You can't possibly prepare for that.

I haven't had to deal with anything even close to this experience but I know how hard it is when my babies have the flu.  I can only imagine that it is that pain times a million.  But her beautiful mama and papa will dry her tears, and sing her songs, and rock her, and wash her hair, and give her medicine, and cry with her and they will get through.  And this sweet baby will walk easier, run faster and jump higher because they suffered now.  And she won't remember the pain and itchy stinky cast.  But she will get better and share her beautiful smile with the world.

Life brings challenges to every family in very different ways.  And they are huge to each of us as we experience them.  But sometimes I need a reminder of how lucky I am.  Am I sharing this story to make you feel guilty about things that you complain about that don't even seem to touch what this family is going through?  No, not at all.  It is just on my mind and I wanted to share.

Take care, sweet Annie.  All of our love and prayers and hopes and wishes and dreams and peaceful sleeps and happy laughs are with you.

I know a man, his name is Lang...

and he has a neon sign.  And Mr. Lang is very old so they call it "Old Lang's Sign."

I've never made any New Year's resolutions.  Ever.  What's the point?  If I could do what I wished to do I would just do it regardless of what month it was.  But this year I figured it wouldn't hurt to make a list of things I would like to work on with no real expectations.  That way I won't be so disappointed if I don't really accomplish anything but super proud of myself if I do.

Jess' Goals for 2012 (in no particular order):

•  Market myself - send out letters/brochures/cards to companies in the Fargo/Moorhead and surrounding areas
•  Start saving for an iPad2 and Q-chord to use in sessions and at home
•  Get off the recliner and turn off the TV
•  Play with my kids and husband more
•  Knit something for everyone I love
•  Make a monthly supper menu and make it happen in real life
•  Play the piano
•  Uncover my sewing machine and use it
•  Drink less pop and more water
•  Acknowledge that I am good at what I do
•  Be happy with who I am and what I have - stop comparing myself to others

I had them numbered first but changed them to bullets because I thought it was kinda sad that the first thing on my list was about work and the last about self-appreciation.


As the monkeys run amok around me I am sure of one thing:  parts of this year will be filled with energy, experience, tears, work, 
sass, learning, anger, empathy, 

observation, dancing, relating, laughter, telling, singing, repetition, frustration, joy, excitement, creating, gaming, 
whining, humor, forgiveness and a whole lot of love.  And that is just the way I like it.

New Traditions

Last year we started a new tradition: The Great Cookie Frost. I baked a bunch of rolled out white sugar cookies and the Ganyos, Karstens, and Johnsons came to help frost and sprinkle.

This year I had some amazing helpers with the rolling and cutting as well as the frosting.

They are naturals!

(After rolling and cutting one set, Will moved on to the camera.)

Yesterday was Christmas Eve. V and Jen ventured out in the 33 degree weather (HA!) to spend some time with us, as Shaun had to work. We started our celebration with a frosting fest. (Em napped through the picture taking part)

After our lasagna supper we headed off to church for the candlelight service, the first since Will and V were 2 months old. We don't spend so very much at church so Em had a few questions about why we were going. She wanted to know who this Jesus was and when would she get to talk to him? The service was filled with music and stories. I even shared a special song which Will thought was "Awesome!" As the candlelight shone warm on their faces and we sang Silent Night I thought of my Poppy and hoped our

little ones would have good memories of this time of year as well.

Gifts have been opened, Santa has visited and the monkeys are quietly playing with their new things. A peaceful way to say good bye to 2011. Let's hope 2012 is filled with much much more!

Tis' the season

Christmas. My favorite time of year. My commutes back and forth to work have been full of childhood memories - mostly of my Poppy.

He wasn't really a church going man unless my sister and I were singing or it was a major holiday. Of course, that was usually when my sister and I were singing.

Anyways, this is what keeps popping into my head. My dad is sitting in front of the record player, with a 1000 piece puzzle partially done on the table, putting his Christmas records in order. There were probably 50 of them. And we listened to them all, at least one song on each and every one. His glasses are next to him on a shelf because he couldn't read anything up close with his glasses on. His pipe is in the huge yellow glass ashtray on a flowered TV tray next to the table because there was no room for it amid the puzzle pieces even with the leaves in. He is wearing dark green pants, a red and green plaid flannel shirt with the sleeves rolled up and white socks. He has one leg stretched out and one bent cause he was a big man and sitting criss-cross with not an option. Song after song: country, classical, folk. He loved them all. I loved the many many Christmas Sing Along with Mitch where I heard my first version of Must Be Santa.

Poppy would always put on his best flannel for Christmas Eve service. I loved standing on the pew next to him singing along with his soft voice to the same songs we listened to in the living room (well, not much of Mitch). I would pretend to read the words out of the hymn book but I didn't need to. I had all the words memorized - at least the first verse. As the pastor retold the Christmas story, my dad would take his candle with the little paper wax catcher on it and carve a spiral line with his fingernail. I always asked to hold it when he was done. I think I even took one home once, even though we were supposed to put them back in the box when we left the church. We would light our candles from the person next to use and sing Silent Night without needing a hymnbook at all.

I miss my Poppy this Christmas a little bit more than most. It has been 9 years since he blessed our table with his bah humbug and special gifts. I wish my babies could hear him sing those songs and sit on his lap to help him hold those fancy candles he always made. I'll be watching to see how he smiles down on us this holiday season.

May your season be filled with many happy memories - past and present.

There was a little girl, who had a little curl right in the middle of her forehead

Oh my sweet baby girl.  Why do you have to be so much like your mama? 

You love to sing, tell stories, tell people who to be when you play - just like your mama.

Your big brown eyes charm everyone you meet - just like your mama's.

You like to get your way and make it known quickly (and loudly) when you don't - just like your mama.

You are a helper, caretaker and hard worker - just like your mama.

You love your family best of all - just like your mama.

Oh, heaven help us all.

Em loves loves loves her new preschool.  She doesn't even need to say goodbye to mama if Miss Dona and Miss Jill are there.  She just heads on in to see what the day will bring.  

Fortunately, her new preschool doesn't require her to be potty trained.  They are happy to help with that process.  That would be good for Em since she refuses to sit on the potty to even try to poop. Unfortunately, she has decided she shouldn't poop at school.  So she hasn't pooped for three days which is huge for her.  She usually goes two or three times a day.  Not good, Al.  

As you can imagine, that makes for a crabby girl.  And, as previously mentioned, Em is an awful lot like her mama and that means her crabby is bad crabby.  Today was one of those days.

It was one of the most frustrating, ear drum piercing, stressful mornings we have experienced in a long time.  But we got to the preschool wing.  With kicking, screaming and being left in the hallway (with teachers standing by to make sure she was safe).  When I left she had found her Miss Dona and was on her way into the classroom.  I so hope she has a better day.  And I hope the weekend brings so playing and pooping.

She is quite the girl - just like her mama.

It's elementary, dear Watson.

School that is. And they are there - Will bouncing along and Em twirling her beautiful skirt - rocking it like only a Karstens could.

The transition was effortless. For them. My babies, who had been in Montessori School since they were each 6 weeks old, were on to a new adventure. I know the staff at NCW as most of them were there when I went to school and taught with my mom for years after I left. They are a tight staff with centuries of experience between them. I know my children will get an excellent education there. I mean, look at how I turned out.

But, as a teacher mama who is now working as a special ed para in the mornings in the school they are in and who has a tendency to overreact just a bit where here babies are concerned, I had a harder time with the change.

My little man, who is braver than I ever imagined, walked into that big cafeteria for breakfast on day two all by himself. He followed the directions the teachers gave him, carried that enormous blue tray to the table and asked me for some help to get things set up. He gave me a kiss and said good bye. And as I peeked in from the doorway he sat quietly alone at the table and ate a bite or two, watching the others confidently come and go from the room. Staff helped him clean up and head out to the gym where he played and played and headed down to his classroom when the other kids did. (No, I did not stay and watch him the whole time. I have my connections.)

Lunch time rolled around and as my schedule insists I brought Will's class in for lunch while a school certified driver took the friend I work with home. Will washed his hands in the same huge yellow tub sink I had washed in as a child, grabbed his lunch box and headed into the cafeteria once again. He was ushered to a big table where the cold lunchers eat due to severe peanut allergies and opened his lunch box. When I came in with the last of the kindergarten stragglers he was sitting alone at his table with his lunch spread out on a napkin. No plate, no spoon, nothing to drink. Okay, silly mama, this is not Montessori school. There are more kids with different staffing and things aren't the same. Are they bad? Absolutely not - just different. Did he need a plate? Not today. Can he get a spoon? Absolutely. I helped him open his stuff as the other staff moved the other kids to the small tables to eat their hot lunches. When I left he was still alone but an older friend was on his way over with his cold lunch.

I had to get to my other job so I couldn't dally but my heart was so heavy. Despite getting him settled in and making a mental note to send a spoon and plate as needed, my head was spinning:

Is my sweet boy with language processing issues alone all the time? How could they let him sit by himself when all of his friends were at the other tables? Couldn't they seat a couple of hot lunchers in his class near him so he wasn't singled out? How can he possibly make friends if he is all alone? What is the deal? Will he be scarred for the rest of the year?

Of course not - he was completely fine. I could tell that when the staff who worked the lunch run talked to me later (after their supervisor talked to them after I mentioned it to their supervisor). They were aware that he was there and were making sure he wasn't alone. Of course they were. I'm surprised they didn't slap me in the head and say, "Really? You really don't trust us enough to make sure he's okay?" It was stinking day two. Get a grip, mama.

So yeah, I said something and they validated my fears and assured me they were keeping tabs on how things were going and Will was/is so very fine and probably will be all year. I'm still gonna keep those eyes and ears out there but I'll maybe wait a beat before I run to supervisors cause I can. And it will make life so much less stressful for everyone involved.

PS

Not to slight my baby-baby. Em is apparently a bright light in her classroom - working and playing and eating and singing and twirling and having all kinds of fun. Loving every minute of it. Not surprising considering her little firecracker self. In case you were wondering.